~Buckle with Care~

I was relishing the joy of strolling peacefully through the dappled sunlight with my baby and my 3 year old on a beautiful sunny day. The birds were chirping and there was a sweet smell of jasmine dancing through the air. It was spring. All was wonderful, but we were not the only ones out and about enjoying this glorious day.

We casually passed a woman, of which our interaction sparked warning signals for my son…

“Mummy, why did you say “hello” to that lady?” “Because it’s nice to say hello to people”. “But she’s a stranger.” I thought about it for a long time, but without contradicting my usual lecture, I had no reply. I often warn my son about talking to people he doesn’t know, because they are strangers and it could be dangerous. My son, 3years old, had me baffled. I didn’t know how to answer his question.

and so began my quest to learn more about Stranger Danger.

Yes, I do talk to strangers… all the time. I love to wish people a happy day, and I love to send a contagious smile to ‘strangers’ walking past with a grumpy face. It’s the simple questions that make us stop and think, and hopefully reflect on our behaviour… which leads to change for the better. But I couldn’t stop dwelling on my son’s questioning.

After doing a little research on “Stranger Danger”, I came to realise that I had a lot of work to do to educate my son, and myself, about keeping safe. It is alarming to find that while I am teaching my son about stranger danger, the statistics show that:

“strangers” are only 15% of the problem, and a horrifying 85% of abuse or danger to children occurs with someone they know and trust. These people are not strangers. These people are predators. They are people known to a child, or known to the child’s parents.

Luckily, as humans, we have inbuilt mechanisms to help protect us from harmful predators. Crawling babies and young toddlers stay close to their parents. Some may call it clingy, but it is actually an instinct for their own survival. As children grow, some become shy around strangers and adults. This, too, is a survival instinct. When you think of behaviour in this way, there are so many confusing contradictions we dangerously feed our precious children. Amanda Robinson captures the situation like this:

I have witnessed time and time again, parents chastising their young children for shying away from the approaches of an unfamiliar person and then apologising to the stranger for the child’s rudeness or making some excuse to explain the “silly” behaviour. No sooner have we lectured them about the importance of being polite to Mr Bloggs, the store owner (and stranger), we then instruct them “Don’t talk to strangers!” contradiction is highly confusing and suppresses the natural instincts of stranger awareness. By telling children it is socially desirable to interact in a polite manner with strangers despite their natural feelings of anxiousness, we rob them of a vital safety tool. This also indicates to the child that caution need only be used around strangers unknown to mum and dad. This philosophy can send a very dangerous message to children as the majority of child sexual abuse cases occur at the hands of family members or people known to the family. In actual fact, real “strangers” are less of a threat than the adults known to parents.

(This extract comes from ‘The Silent Crisis – Simple Ways to protect children from Sexual Abuse’ by Amanda Robinson, found on the website: http://www.motherinc.com.au/magazine/kids/kids-education/321-stranger-danger-what-do-you-tell-your-kids, with many other compelling must-read articles for parents. check it out).

Keeping our kids safe from strangers and predators is one of the most important jobs we have as a parent.

While Amanda focuses on adult-predators, we must also remember that it is not only unknown adults we need our children to be wary of, it is other children too. If you think children are harmless, then you haven’t read the gut-renching story of little James Bulger. It makes my heart ache, and brings me to tears so much that I can’t bring myself to put a link to it in this article. You will have to google it. All you need to know is that James was just 2 years old when two unknown 10 year old boys quickly and quietly enticed him to leave a shopping centre with them while his mothers back was turned (she was paying for her shopping). James was lead from the shopping centre and walked with the boys for miles, being tortured over a number of hours, before being brutally killed. It is a frightening, horrific, chilling nightmare. My heart goes out to 2 year old James and his parents.

We must do all we can to bring stranger awareness to the forefront of every day in our children’s lives. Give them the tools to be wary of others and make judgements… and the younger we start, the better. Let’s help to educate each other by sharing links that make us stop and think, it could make all the difference to the life of your child.

Please take the time to visit “Kids Life: empowering parents to help children reach their full potential” (link below) for easy to understand, useful strategies on Protecting children from stranger danger, helping our children to understand protective behaviours, and empowering them to find the right support when they need it.

http://www.kidslife.com.au/Page.aspx?ID=1409

I encourage you to share your “stranger danger” story, and how you deal with this issue with your own children.

It could be YOUR story that makes all the difference in the life of a child.

Thank you for your company.

Rachel Hodson

~Buckle with Care~

A voice for children; A passion for safety;

PS: while writing this article, just now, i received a text message from my sister in law. this is what it read:

Just wanna let you know to be extra careful when shopping with the kids. A little girl was taken from (well known store) at (local shopping complex) this morning at 9:30am. An old man was seen on camera following her and her dad around the shop. the minute her dad let go of her hand, the old man took her hand and walked out of the store. Apparently one of the security guards said this is becoming a huge problem in shopping centres. So please be careful.

Please be extra careful when out and about with your children. They need us. My thoughts are with the little girl.